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Monthly Archives: September 2006

As I was putting fresh, clean sheets on my bed this evening, I stubbed my toes on one of the drawers underneath the bed. I now have a very bad cut on my little toe on my left foot. It was bleeding very nastily. This is just a tiny little example of how bad my week has been, and today has been one of the better days of the week. But here is the weekend which promises to look better.

My sister called me on Sunday to tell me that she is now engaged. Wow. She is only two years younger than I, and she is the same age that I was when I got engaged, but she’s my little sister, and she seems so much younger to me than I was. But I’m happy for her. I know how hard it is to wait for years to finally be able to get engaged. And I know how hard it is to wait another whole year or so before finally getting married.

I splurged a little bit a couple of days ago and bought a “Self” magazine. The title alone sent warning bells off in my head, but it actually seems to be pretty good. The title doesn’t imply so much that a woman should be selfish and think about herself all the time but that while she is working and caring for her family, she needs to remember to take care of herself as well. The magazine gives lots of tips for how to stay in shape, even if you work all day at a desk, and it also gives the typical make-up and hair tips for frazzled and hurried women. It doesn’t seem so much like a magazine to stroke women’s vanity, but it seems more like a magazine to help women see themselves as worthwhile. I do think there is a difference there. We hear so many stories about women who snatch a husband and then let themselves go– they stop doing their hair and make-up, they stop dressing nicely, and they start putting on the weight. “Self” magazine encourages women to recognize that they should not do that. They need to look and feel pretty for themselves as well as for their husbands.

Men are commanded in Proverbs to delight in the bodies of their wives and let theirs wives breasts satsify them for the rest of their days. Now all women know that men are stimulated by sight while women are stimulated by emotion. So if a man’s wife isn’t pleasing to look at anymore, how is he supposed to delight in her? I am not making excuses for adultry. Adultry is sin, and there is no good excuse for it at all. But women, we need to encourage our husbands to delight is US by keeping our bodies clean and beautiful for them. Bathe daily, take an effort to dress comfortably but nicely, fix that hair (my hair is virtually unfixable, but I at least keep it clean and brushed), and eat healthy foods (stepping on my own toes here–I’ve gained 6 or 7 lbs in this past year of marriage). Delight yourselves in your husbands, and make an effort to look beautiful for them.

No one believed me when, as a young teenager, I told my friends that I would have problems conceiving, but I have always known. I have always been afraid that the one thing I want most will not be granted to me. I want to be a mother.

I am a wife. That dream has been fulfilled and is being fulfilled every day. I love being a wife as much as I knew I would. I delight in doing the laundry and keeping the house clean. I love spending time with Christopher, my husband and best friend, every day. I love it that I finally belong to him and him to me. It is true that “a woman’s work is never done,” so I can get very frustrated sometimes because of all the stuff I have to keep up with. But when those days come, I take a deep breath and thank God for blessing me with a man who loves me and has committed himself to me for the rest of his life. While I am grateful for all of that, I still want more. Is that sinful of me? Sure, I love my life now. I love having the freedom of being able to do what we want almost when we want because we don’t have to worry about feedings or a babysitter, but I have an ache in my heart- a large fragment that longs to be a mother.

When I was a kid and grownups asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the first thing I thought of was , “I want to be a mom.” But I never said that because I knew that that was not what they were looking for. I answered with, “I want to be a doctor.” Or, “I want to be a singer.” When I went to college, I chose to major in English because I loved to read and write. I had no career in mind whatsoever. I did not want to have a career. When my advisor asked me why I was going to college, I answered, “So that I can be an educated housewife.” He ridiculed me to the rest of the English department that day. But I didn’t care. I want to be a mom. I want that to be my full time job. I want to raise my children in the admonition of the Lord. I want to take care of them every day. I don’t want to miss any of their growing-up moments. I don’t have any children yet, but I all ready love them desperately.

For those of you who are reading this, I covet your prayers. Please don’t just pray that God will bless Christopher and me with children soon, but also pray that He will give me peace and help me to trust in Him more and more every day. Thank you.

Yesterday, my friend Nicole told me that she is expecting. She was very sweet when she told me. She was very cautious and sensitive and was very careful about my feelings. I really appreciated how sensitive she was. I am so very very happy for Lee and Nicole. They will be another set of great parents. But Nicole understands that it is hard for me to hear about my friends conceiving so easily when I have been trying twice as long and hard as they (granted, it has not been TOO long for me). I don’t want to be selfish and make my friends feel like they can’t talk about their pregnancies around me. That’s just not true. I’d love to hear about their pregnancies. It helps me know what to expect. 🙂 I just told Nicole the same thing I told Sarah– I may be sad for me, but I am so very happy for her. I appreciate her understanding, but I don’t want her to protect me, so to speak.

This is such an exciting time in all of our lives. My two closest girl friends are both married (we were all married within the same year), and they are both pregnant. My husband and I are currently trying to start a family. We all have jobs and are trying to support ourselves without our parents’ help. We’re really growing up! It’s really fun to have friends around my age (I’m actually older than Sarah and Nicole) who are in the same stage of life as I.

The problem with waiting several days in between blogs is that when I finally do blog, I have so much to write about that I’m afraid no one is reading anything. Ah well. It’s still good for me.

Sunday, Christopher and I attended my parents’ church in Louisiana. The pastor spoke from Matthew 15. A Gentile woman is seeking Jesus’ help- her daughter is sick and dying. Jesus tells the woman that He did not come for the people like her, but He came for the lost children of Israel. Jesus was really mean in that passage, but he did end up healing the woman’s daughter. When Jesus told the woman, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs” (26), the woman responded with, “But even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table” (27). Jesus praised the woman for her faith, and healed her daughter. But before He did that, Jesus insulted the woman by calling her a dog! That was a highly offensive insult to the Gentiles. But the woman graciously took that insult, and at the same time pointed out that God’s promises in His covenant with His children are so great that they effect the surrounding nations. I was very amazed at this passage, and I realized that it is true that Jesus did not come to the Gentiles. He came only to the Jews. Yes, He did minister to a few Gentiles, but they were the exception. His ministry was to the Jews. It was not until Jesus’ ascention that He commanded the disciples to go out into all the nations and preach the Gospel (Matt. 28:19). This is so interesting to me, and it makes me feel so blessed. I am not a part of the bloodline of Israel, but God has reached out and grafted me into that tree. He has adopted me as His daughter, and I am so very honored. It feels good to be a child of the King.

It feels great to say that the week is over and my weekend has begun! Tomorrow, Christopher and I are heading to Louisiana for my neice’s first birthday party! Her birthday is actually today. Happy birthday Natalie. I am so excited that we will be getting out of town. It’s always good to see my family, but I’ll also get to see my good friend Sarah and her husband Jarrod. It’s gonna be great.

This week has been crazy. Sunday night, Christopher and I went to a movie with some friends and then we went to dinner. Monday, we went with those same friends to a baseball game and then back to my house where we had hamburgers and hotdogs. Then Tuesday night I hosted a party at my house for the women of my church. Last night, Wednesday, we went to a study group that Pastor Lonn is conducting on Van Til’s Apologetics. Tonight, finally!, I get to chill out. I love hanging out with my friends and having people over, but it’s nice to have this one night with just me and my hubby.

I am not sure what my body is doing again. I posted about my temperature getting extremely low, but now it’s back to normal. By now, my temperature should be really high, but as I said, it is perfectly normal. Ugh. I wonder how long it is going to take for us to have a baby. I was thinking today that if it took ten years for me to get pregnant I would still be pretty young. But I really want to start having children now. I want about five kids, and if I don’t get pregnant until I’m 32 or so, then I’m not gonna want to have that many. I’d like to be finished having kids by the time I’m 32, not just starting out! But I know that God’s plan is better than mine, and I just need to trust Him and wait to see what happens (all things I am not very good at).

Oh yes. I forgot to mention that my temperature absolutely plummeted today! Hoorah for the estrogen surge! Wish me luck on getting pregnant this month!

I love Saturdays. It was hard when I worked at CFA and had to work nearly every Saturday, but now I have both Fridays and Saturdays off every week, and it’s great. Yesterday, I was supposed to clean the upstairs and go grocery shopping, but I only got the grocery shopping done. I decided that I’d rather be lazy. So today I have to clean the entire house. I’m so strict about this because we are having two parties at my house back to back this week. Monday, we are having a Labor Day get together and Tuesday I am hosting a party for the women of my church. Anyway, all I really have to do to finish cleaning is vacuum the house, but before I do that, I would really like to put all of our papers and stuff away. Christopher and I both have lots of junk all over the floors in the living room, dining room, and our bedroom. It’s awful.

Speaking of awful, I feel terrible today! I woke up with a monstrous headache, and I drank some coffee to try to get rid of it. Then after my shower I started to feel really nauseated and dizzy. I still feel really shaky, but after giving up and taking some Tylenol, my headache is nearly gone. I am taking a break now from cleaning, and I just ate a banana. I hope that starts to help me feel better.

I need to get back to cleaning. Christopher will be home soon, and I want to be done by then.